Let me start by saying I don’t know Antwuan Dixon… I’ve never met him… I don’t know if I ever will, but I’m inspired by him. I was looking at some skate footage and that’s how I first found out who he was. He seems like a wild cat. I looked up a bunch of footage, pictures and wiki-google-yahoo’d him etc. but what was really happening as I learned a little more, bit by bit, is I was growing proud of the guy. I’ll give you a link in a little bit and you’ll see why…
So when I originally signed up for “The American Dream” it was pretty easy. I went down and saw a college, where a very nice lady talked to me, looked at my essay and was convinced, I guess, that I’d bring the grade point average up of the “Rich Kid” school and that someone would pay for it… That someone was me and I did get decent grades, while I was working full time at job or three. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good story, I have a good life and I adore the fact that i’ve learned to love work… This is a story about “The American Dream” or part of it at least, and tattoos. It’s really a story about tattoos, okay…
So, I worked at this privately owned 4 Star type restaurant, down where I was going to school. It was the type of place with a lot of rules and directions. There were a lot of exclusive this and that type things, it was hard to get a job there… because people spent a lot of money. I got the job because of a friend of mine named Susan, by the way Thank you Susan, I don’t know where you are but I remember you as rad always. Anyway, this place was money, money, money-ville. I worked and made “Drug-Dealer” type money at this spot. There were people working at this place that had graduated from college and just put their careers off because they were making so much money at the restaurant! I wanted a shot at living like them so I went in early, stayed late, picked up shifts, picked up tables… I hustled my behind off…
So check it out, in the back of this place, against the wall, there where about five “2 Tops”, these are tables for two (duh!) that were always filled with “walk-ins”, “young couples”, “not so picky types” and “poor people”… Yeah you heard me correctly, “poor people”, my kind, people who didn’t eat at places like this every day. People who are judged, on sight, by a hostess, as those who will probably not order much and will tip less, if at all. These people were seated in the section that I was seated in for most of my life, unbeknownst to me… when I learned about the protocol for this seating, I made it a priority to always stop through there and make sure, “my section” you know “my people” got the service they deserved, whether it was my assignment or not…
So one night, toward the end of my shift, in walks a man in a faded old Harley Davidson Sturgis Rally t-shirt, accompanied by his wife and mother. At first glance my read on this guy was that he was a rad ol’ greaser. He had a beat up hat on, leather vest, a tooth pick in his mouth, prescription aviators and lastly he was covered in tattoos. His weathered, tan, skin was sleeved up with green ink, tattoos way older than I was. I thought to myself, this man has got to be the baddest mothrfvcker that has ever set foot in this restaurant, he is giving everyone the finger with his presence alone… and I like his style. If I’m honest, even those seemingly reverent thoughts, were judgements.
I watched as this man, his wife and the mother were seated in the “section”. I watched the guy saunter over to the table, like it belonged to him, like he wanted to sit in the back… like he always sat in the back. He owned the whole experience and when the assigned server moped to the front to ask if anyone wanted to pick up a table, I was already halfway there.
I think, at the time, I had one tattoo. I’m not sure but I think I had gotten my first one and was considering, maybe, just maybe a second one… haha. Anyway, I walked back and greeted the coolest, most polite, appreciative three people I’d ever met in that establishment. I remember vividly the fella’s mom taking forever to order and he was real loving, he treated both ladies like they were the only women on the planet. I looked down at his neck and arms, his hands, all covered in tattoos, wrinkled like gloves that had held on to chopper handles and tire irons through a hundred ice storms and thought to myself… “this guy is a viking!”
I cannot explain how inherently cool this individual was in the face of obvious discrimination… I mean, I’ve seen it before, people discriminate and the more mature person is calm and tolerant of the ignorance, but I guess I was baffled. I was even more baffled when, at the completion of the meal, I dropped the 54$ check off at the table and this man gave me a hundred dollar bill… “Thanks man, what’s left is yours…” he said. There was a lot that I didn’t know at that time… a whole lot.
I didn’t know I’d get older and learn what it means to care more about what I like, than what other people think. I didn’t know I’d sit across from a father or two and be treated exactly like that man was in the restaurant. I didn’t know I’d watch my brothers struggle for years to get a band off the ground as people told them they were stupid for getting tattooed because, “Bands don’t work out…” and “That’s quite a gamble you have going on…”. I never knew every single tattoo I’d end up getting would have a memory of a time and place, a person, a struggle, a victory, maybe some hate but mostly a lot of love. I wouldn’t have expected that the “quiet guy in the back of the shop” would end up being my tattoo artist, one of the best in the business and one of my best friends. I never new the other guy who would tattoo me, would then inspire me to be a champion with his ethics and lyrics. I never knew I’d have so much explaining to do… and that explaining has lead me to frequent thought of who I am, how I live, who I want to be and what I want to do with my life…
So Antwuan Dixon…
Here’s Antwuan Dixon… a kid with a skateboard and the drive to put his clenched fist, so far up the rear-end of life, that he knocks it’s teeth out… I’ll bet this guy has heard “Wow… that’s quite a gamble you have going on buddy…” a couple times. Do you know what it means to be a professional skateboarder? It means you go out an do something every single day and that very thing could end up deading your career… It’s professional bullet dodging that garners very little respect from the “grown up” world.
If you take a moment to read about Antwuan you’ll find out that his first skateboard was a stolen gift from his older brother, who is now locked up. I don’t know his family’s financial background but I do know he doesn’t have to skate a stolen set-up today… I don’t condone theft. I do condone skateboarding. I’m grateful for the people in this world that are 150% themselves… they inspire me to do the same, to believe in me and thus gamble on me… I gamble on us…
I invite you to ask yourself, today… maybe tomorrow if that works better for you, “Who am I, where am I going and does it really matter?” I’d like to answer the last part of that for you, with a hopeful “YES”. I’m not trying to sell you on anything, except for yourself, here. I’d like to pass along what I’ve been fortunate to recognize, and that is, where we are going does matter.
I didn’t know just how much I was going to learn, or how much I’d value, the judgement of others… not because I care, but because my self value has risen with the frequent recognition of the value and understanding other may or may not have for me. I rarely consider what people will think when making important life decisions today and that freedom is a feeling so amazing I can only wish it for others. This means that what you think means nothing and what I prove to help others understand means everything.
Today, I do not desire to go where I am not invited… when I go out I like sitting in the back, I tip better than anyone you’ll wait on all day and when I end up married, you better believe I’ll treat my lady like the last woman on the planet… I may not be a viking, but I’m living an American Dream. I’m grateful for each end every experience in my life where my back was against the wall. I’m given the chance to dig deep and revisit “Who I am, where I am going and why it matters”. With each day that I live, I question less and less who I want to impress and walk more and more toward what I want to be. I can sit with any father, prospective employer… “grown up” and know exactly what I bring to the table. I know and appreciate my value. I am confident that I’m a winner, I’m even more confident that I’m here to stay. I am not rich. I am not famous. I am just like you… and you know what, that’s good news for both of us.
*Thank you Antuan, I look forward to hopefully meeting you one of these days.
Posted in: Inspiration | People | Style
Tags: Antwuan Dixon
Comments
Well, Madden, if I didn’t think I loved you before I definitely do now after reading that. Sounds like thoughts coming out of my own head except I’m a lot less confident in who I am. But its something I examine daily, hourly even. Its something I’m trying to do.
I’m trying not to be gushy rah-rah I love Josh here, but you’re truly an inspiring fella. Reading your blog and getting music from you is a highlight to my day and inspires me to just “be myself”, as you always seem to be. You are in some small way my hero, but on a better level than “oh that guy’s cool!” More on a personal, “hey good positive people actually exist!” level.
I know it seems strange but you make me wanna be the person I want to be. I won’t say the better version of myself, just the one that’s actually me and not the one I hide underneath.
So thanks.
Josh…Keep it up. You’re the dude. I learned a lot from you back in that day. much love.
Damn, dude. Reading this just knocked a whole new sense of self into me. You’re right, everyone should live the way they want to, not the way they think other people want them to be. This blog was a huge inspiration and I’m glad Joel led me to it through twitter. Definitely makes me want to go out and accomplish what I want to accomplish and give a big “fuck you” to everyone who says I can’t or shouldn’t.
Thanks for a great read man!
amen.
Josh, this is one of the best blogs I have read – you seem to be able to put into words what a lot of people think. Keep it up dude, its awesome.
Tattoos are an expression of individuality, like a story that maps your life, what you love and what is important to you. I’m yet to get one but when I do it will be my story and for me only.
Cheers
Damn that was a great blog. So inspiring and a nice life refreshment. A reminder that being you is a pretty alright thing and to embrace it….
josh umm can i be the lady you said you’ll treat “like the last woman on the planet”? got a big crush on you…huge!
in all seriousness, this planet certainly needs more valued men/individuals like you. knowing my own values and value, i will be blessed enough with one to grow old with 
much love…
I am honored to be able to read your blog.
You are a blessing to this planet. Thank you for sharing.
Hi, thanks for sharing the above information, i like reading real and genuine stories. And Josh Madden, you are the real deal, have heard of your name and status in NY and LA (and you links to family, friends, and followers via Twittter). Now we get the chance to know you much better , here and through Twittter (you are cooool ) cool. (a breath of fresh air).. 
)
you’re an amazing writer.
and further more you have challenged me.
in a time where the economy blows, having two degrees, and living in big the city seems like the dream I wanted when I was fifteen … this has driven me to want more and not to settle.
certainly not settle in a job I’d hate.
and as discouraging as looking has been, I have self worth and know that more than ever while reading your post.
xx from toronto
Thanks Josh. That truly was a great read (even more inspiring with “one” playing in my headphones) Sure coulda used your blogs in high school man haha thanks again and keep it up.
Thank You.
I think that this by far, is your best blog I’ve read. It was inspiring, honest, we gained an insight to you we might not have seen otherwise and it was from the heart. Pure perfection.
I’m given the chance to dig deep and revisit “Who I am, where I am going and why it matters”
Its my favorite line because you GET that its a privilege, an opportunity, a chance as you said, to self-reflect and create a life that matters. Not everyone has this luxury. Since I have it, the gift of a chance, I have to make the very most of it.
Thoroughly enjoyed “I didnt get them for you…”
PS: bucket list item: a game of Scrabble with Josh Madden. I like a challenge.
Josh..oh my goodness. I could not read this with dry eyes and even writting this they are teary. *hugs* to you for being a surviver and with your knowledge you will lead others to follow. I alway grew up trying to please others and then one night about 3 years ago…something said to me in my dreams..’live your life like no one is watching’. I have taken that advise and I am happier than I have been my entire life.
..Keep inspiring Josh. Between your words and your music, (which I keep)..the lives of those around you will be forever changed. Thank you!
This is such an invigorating and inspirational posting. I will admit that I’m part of the “grown-up” world in the sense that I have a career in the business world, but I embrace and admire everyone with originality and intrepidity.
I just read this after finding the link on twitter.
I have spent a week in turmoil over a life decision over what I want, and what I “should” do.
You just helped me make my decision. Thankyou everso! xxxxx
I can’t explain what you did for me right now. I never could. I’m crying right now (and i don’t cry, frankly i detest crying), because yesterday I got my university acceptance offer to study a Double Law Degree…..I wanted to study A Bachelor of Visual Arts Specialisation….I wanted to be an artist.and i’ve applied to th South Australian Central School of Art. It was always the deal thatmy father would pay formy books and my tuitionmoney. But he said the offer doesn’t stand and the school sent over a package saying that 1st year art students can be looking to pay an extra $3,000 – 4,000 for supplies not inclusing the 70 g for art school. I don’t even know where i’m gonna pull this kinda money. The government won’t pay for me because my father makes too much money.
And last week I was waiting at LeRiad restaurant (314b Pulteney street, South Australia, u should check it out…it’s amazing food) It was about 11.30 we were starting to clean up and their were still three tables left.. (one was a table of 16, the other was 4 and the other was 3) I just cleared the table and was holding a tray full of wine glasses and i tripped over a mat and this whole tray went crashing.
The table of 16 laughed at me, so did the table of three, even the waitresses didn’t bother coming to help. But the table of three kept asking if I was okay, i said i was and this woman who would ahve been well into her 60′s and her two daughters and her daughters girlfriend all got down on their hands and knees to help me clean up the broken glass….I’ve nevr been so touched in my life.
When I gave them their bill they were counting out change and the old lady said that they couldn’t afford to go out everyday so they saved up for these outhings….so I gve them free dessert and waived their bill….I paid for it out of my pocket.
Anyway…I guess that has nothing to do with anything you said but still…..It reminded me of everything and why I come back to read your blogs. The way you write is magical. Many people can’t do what you do and link words toghether in a way to create emotion. thankyou so very much.
Sincerly
Vivienne
wow! touched and inspired. you wrote it with pure passion. thanks for sharing your light. good stuff.
Loved readng this. Everybody needs inspiration..no matter what their age is. Truthfully, I would probably be one that would be seated on the back wall. I wouldn’t quite fit the criteria for the well to do. People discriminate and form opinions on others based on wealth, looks, age, etc. I know who I am. I don’t need anyone else’s approval. I’m an older woman. Not OLD! lol But an older woman. The fact is people form opinons on older women as well. We are discriminated against too. But I don’t care what others think. I loved reading this because it makes people think. I’m inspired.
Your parents should be very proud that they created such a caring and humble person. As a new mother my only hope is to instill good morales and a sense of who we are and why are we here.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Ja xoxo
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Sophia rossi, Josh Madden, jensine., jensine., DCMA Collective and others. DCMA Collective said: just when you think your cool JOSH MADDEN reminds you he's cooler wayyy cooler.. http://joshmadden.com/2010/01/i-didnt-get-them-for-you/ [...]
Thank you! Well said!
I’m misty eyed after reading that.
dude that just made me cry. i love you a lot for this, thank you. you’re truly an inspiration. i hope to work with you someday.
Josh,
Thanks for that, it really did put things in perspective for me. Sometimes people, myself included, can get so wrapped up in themselves and forget to look around. Coincidentally, I just got my first tattoo (I’m so scared what my mom is going to say) and your post really made me examine my actions unto others. Words really do create change.
Katie
@katieroses1
Bravo! Well put. You are my muse…
Thank you Josh. Don’t really know what to say more. I really appreciate the fact that you shared this with us.
It really touched me.
Well said, i found the last paragraph very inspiring especially these two parts;
“With each day that I live, I question less and less who I want to impress and walk more and more toward what I want to be. I can sit with any father, prospective employer… “grown up” and know exactly what I bring to the table. I know and appreciate my value.”
I think that alot of people if not almost everyone spend their daily lives worrying or thinking about what others will think of us and how to “impress” these people whether it be by what we wear or what we do, etc. And i think that is so much more important to live our life how we want to not how we think other people want us to live it because at the end of the day it is your life & no-one elses.
“and when I end up married, you better believe I’ll treat my lady like the last woman on the planet”
that is going to be one lucky lady and i wish more guys did this instead of cheating on their woman and taking her for granted.
Its amazing how someone I’ve never met or talked to can kno thoughts and feelings I’ve only shared wit my closest family or friend. I’ve read other blogs but this one….is one i’ve lived for the majority of my adult life!! Being black, a lesbian, and tattooed I’m at the back table all the time. Now, I care a little less about what people think of me. Thanks Josh!! Pretty amazing blogger!!
Oh that was great…you are so talented!…me:-)
i get lost in your ‘stories.’ hours could go by. thank you.
“Who am I, where am I going and does it really matter?”
If I didn’t think about this every single day already, you can bet anything that I WILL NOW. I freaking love you for this.
thanks josh for that post, my parents hate the fact that i’ve got loads of ink and at first they wouldn’t walk down the street with me, but in time they came 2 realise that i didn’t give a crap wat people thought of me and things changed. After i had my 2 daughters things got worse from people judgeing me, i got things like people like her shouldn’t have kids , and what kind of mother does that, etc etc, but words don’t bother me anymore as i know i’m a bloody good mum who would do anything for my girls. Old ladys get gob smacked because i’m the one that will help them across the road and give up my seat on the bus for them, i’m allways polite and allways say thank you, AND I TIP WELL LOL
I am delightfully surprised by how your thoughts work
God bless you…<3
Thanks you Josh for this blog and those advice
You really are an inspiration for me too.
Dont kno what to say more, just one of the better thing I’ve read in my life !
I hope one day i’ll be as free as you are!
Quite inspiring. You’re a very interesting character with great thoughts. What you write always seems to surprise me in a positive way. Thanks for sharing this story and for those encouraging words.
Amazing!!
Inspiring!!
By far the best blog ever written!
Thank You!
Much Love!
[...] (Read Antwuan’s story) [...]
I love this blog. I want to be writer and pieces like this inspire me. You’re very clever Josh.
Oh, and i absolutley adore the title of this blog – I didn’t get them for you.
nice post. thanks.
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